Noodler

Share this post

The Ball and Chain-letter 

noodler.substack.com

The Ball and Chain-letter 

A social experiment to find a wife. Plus, you can win $6,942.00.

dan hawkins
Sep 14, 2021
1
6
Share this post

The Ball and Chain-letter 

noodler.substack.com

This week I’m spicing things up a little with a social experiment, and really putting myself out there.

As readers will know, the purpose of this newsletter is to collaborate, create, experiment, and learn. And well, now it has a new purpose. To help find me a lifelong partner.

What follows is an email I sent out to 30 people on Sunday. And I’m hoping it will find more people. And maybe even inspire others to try the same thing.

Please feel free to get involved. Anyone is eligible to win the prize money.

update: you can share this post on my instagram too @dan_dan_doodles, which counts as a “share”

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░

Subject: Help find me a wife, win $6,942.00. Presented by Dan Hawkins

ᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫ

The Ball and Chain-letter 

A social experiment to find love. 

ᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫ

SECTION 1: The background

Hey guys,

TL;DR:

I need your help in finding a lifelong partner.  And I’m giving away up to $6,942.00* as a reward. 

Long story:

I’m ready to settle down. After many years as a bachelor, it’s time for me to pack it in and find a wife.

To find a suitable partner, I’ve decided to rely on my greatest strength - my network, as well as my favourite interest: collaborative social experiments..

Here’s how it works:

Step 1: The bait

Forward this email, or copy pasta SECTION 2 and send to anyone who is a potential lead as my soon-to-be wife, or someone who may know someone. Indirect connections are valid. Please feel free to extend beyond email (SMS, hand-written letters, etc.)

*update: you can share my post on IG, for entry. IG @dan_dan_doodles

Step 2: The prize

CC or BCC me (or somehow notify me) on the message, then leave a comment on this sheet (I will enter your information). And you’ll be entered to win a prize.

Step 3: The friendly committee process

To avoid awkwardness, I will let a small committee decide if potential date leads would be a good match. (See FAQ on vetting process; DM me if interested in becoming a panel member. Prizes available). 

Potential “candidates” are to send a short profile (e.g. tagline, about, blurb, photo, etc.) to yourfuturehusband.season1@gmail.com.

*update: To avoid even more awkwardness, friends can submit (willing) profiles on behalf of a candidate.

Step 4: The blind dates and courtship

If the committee deems us a good fit for each other, I will meet the candidate for a blind date. If we get along well, we will hopefully proceed with courtship. 

Step 5: The wedding

I get married. It’s that easy. Afterwards, I will hand out prizes. 

Reward model:

Tier 1

If you share this email with anyone, you’ll receive ONE entry draw to win the Amazing Giveaway Package (AGP), valued at $250.*

Tier 2

If you connect me with a first date, you’ll receive FIVE entries to win the AGP.

Tier 3

If your lead (i.e. the date) and I reach any TWO of the following circumstances, you win $500:  a) meet each other's parents, b) use the love word, c) take a holiday trip. 

Tier 4

If your lead surpass a one-year relationship, you’ll win a BC weekend getaway prize, valued at up to $1,000ᙇᑋ.

Tier 5

If your date-lead and I end up legally married, you’ll win a used-vehicle valued at up to $5,123ᔿ, plus requested as my best man or woman at our wedding. 

Bonus Panel Prize

I will gift one lucky member of my Dating Panel a gift basket prize valued at $69.

LEGAL

*Limited to a maximum of ONE entry, despite number of shares. Draw will likely take place in 12 to 18 months time.
ᙇPrizes are yet confirmed, but expect equivalent dollar value. Also, I’ll gladly accept sponsors to help subsidize prizes. 
ᑋIf in the event this happens multiple times, there will be a draw to determine winner. 
ᔿFinal grand prize will depend on my financial situation at the time, and perhaps will be paid out over my lifetime. 
ᐢI’m somewhat aware of, and feel very wary of, the implications money will have on this process.

ᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫ

SECTION 2: The Email

Feel free to edit as much as you like. I’ve also included a separate document  which contains alternate content to help spruce up my profile. Remember, this is a contest with a lot at stake. The better you can make me appear, the better your chances are at winning $6,942.00. 

EMAIL TEMPLATE:

Hey guys,

I have a friend, Dan Hawkins, who is looking to find a life-long, monogamous romantic partner. From what I understand he’s a good guy. If you or someone you know may be interested, let me know! 

Details below….

Tagline: 

Fun guy serious about love. 

About Dan: 

Steady income, with a good credit rating.

35 years of age. Double vaxxed. No major health concerns. 

No criminal charges, as an adult. 

Enjoys nature, art, history, water colours, backpacking, cycling and tennis.

About you:

You’re kind and have a curious mind. 

Live within 10km of Vancouver. Or have good wifi.

He’s looking for “someone he’d be happy to do the dishes for”. And/or someone who passes the Traffic Test. 

Let me know if you, or someone you know would be interested in meeting him.

Thanks,

Your Name

Ps. We should catch up. Want to grab coffee this weekend? 

ᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫᕫ

SECTION 3: House keeping notes 

Like any experiment, I dont know how this will go. There may be some kinks in the chain. And I may need to update things as I go. If you have some questions or comments or feedback, message me.

FAQs

Why am I doing this?

Well, that should be obvious. To find a partner. I’ve tried other ways to meet women - I’ve joined a volleyball team, pottery classes, etc. But they’ve been unfruitful, particularly through the covid pandemic. And I don’t particularly like online dating apps like Tinder. I’d rather find connections through my social network, rather than blindly through an anonymous channel. 

What's the backstory here?

I’m ready to pack it in. I’ve lived a good life. But it’s time for me to raise a family.

How will the vetting process work? 

Interested candidates will send a short bio (e.g. a photo, and short profile) to the panel of judges. They will then vote amongst them if the candidate is a right fit.

Can I join the panel?

Yes. Just DM me. 

Can I share this with a past girlfriend of yours? 

I’d rather you not. 

This is BCC'd. How do I know if someone else has already received the email?

Let's f%&king blast their inboxes.

Maybe more questions will come up. 

Sorry, is that a question? Or a comment? Not sure. But yes. Maybe more questions will arise.

Thank you for everyone’s help in this. Thank you Rich and Al for ideation on this project. Thank you Justine C with the name. And thank you to my soon to be panel members.

If you want to find love too, please copy paste this message and substitute my profile for yours. If you want to sponsor Ball and Chain-Letter please get in touch.

If you want to follow along with this experiment, I may give anonymous updates via my newsletter.

See you at the wedding,

Dan

◎◎◎◎◉◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◉◉◉◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◉◉◉◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◉◎◎◉

◎◎◎◎◉◎◎◎◉◉◉◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◉◉◉◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◎◉◎◎◎◎◎

6
Share this post

The Ball and Chain-letter 

noodler.substack.com
6 Comments
C8 Ferrari
Oct 4, 2021

Hey Dan - I hope I’m not too late to be considered for a date?

Plus my name is Cate (I’m sorry I had to).

c8what@gmail.com

Expand full comment
Reply
Anna-Jade Chen
Sep 27, 2021

Hi Dan, I can help you to find a right partner who wants to cook and do dishes with you intentionally and romantically, pls email me and chat more @ yuyingchen08273@gmail.com

Expand full comment
Reply
4 more comments…
TopNewCommunity

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 dan hawkins
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing